Husband and Wife

In a little over two months, I'm going to be a married woman. That's crazy!
The scariest thing about it is: am I ready? I'm not worried about being with only one man the rest of my life because I've looked forward to that my whole life, and waited around a lot for a good one. I'm not worried about only kissing one guy; and I'm not at all worried about that one guy being J. What I am worried about is if I am ready to be as selfless as it takes to make this work.

Juggling our own feelings for each other and for our careers and for our families is more than difficult.
Backswinging the bad attitudes sometimes feels like a game of raquetball. I'll smack this one, it will hit the wall and then he has to hit it away again. If it's not one thing, it's another.
Kicking away the past and pressing on to the future takes quite the effort sometimes.
Sharpening our minds to understand what it takes to be a responsible adult and put away childish things only makes me want to throw a temper-tantrum.
Organizing our lives and all the paperwork involved: doctors bills, appointments, checking accounts, rent checks, phone bills, car, health, renter's insurances. Good grief Charlie Brown.
Surviving: can we stay afloat in a sea of time spent on red tape, cooking, cleaning, phone conversations, shopping, mowing, moving, shaking (hopefully our booties a little bit).
Routine can be a great thing, but also stirs the desire for more within us.

Will we be in survival mode? What is the point of marriage? What are its goals? It seems as though marriage turns into a race ... "We've made it 5 years, can we make it 25?" I don't want to just survive. I don't want the goal of marriage to be quantified. I want it to be magnified, riplified, exemplified. Marriage should be a picture of Christ and the church, really that is its purpose according to the Bible. Therefore, it needs to be magnified because it needs to magnify the essence of love that Christ has given his church. Just like the ripples that one drop of liquid can make, marriage should have the ripple effect. The love J shows me, and the love I show him should not only riplify (take that Webster) between ourselves, but also toward others. As we leave a home of "love, mercy and truth" everyday, those qualities will follow us around like a shadow.

But is that too much to ask for? Maybe not. I hope the groove we start to find when the rings are exchanged is one that will include such things, one that reminds us to look to heaven first and then to each other. In our case, the wedding might happen more than once, (hah!) but the marriage doesn't. Sitting still, dealing with the issues, not running from the problems ... these things can make me cringe more than the word "keish" does. (My sister and I were scarred for life when we were forced to eat keish growing up.) But that is part of marriage's purpose: in such a relationship as this, it takes someone like J to look inside me, through me, around me, and tell me what he sees. I now have a better understanding of who I am and what I need to work on to be a better person. We both do. The refinement process is wonderful and oftentimes full of laughter, but it can wear me out sometimes.

I'm so thankful God gave me J, who makes me laugh at the worst times to go through this life-long refining process. I couldn't have even imagined a better or crazier kook to partner with ... I must remember that when God said "Eye has not seen nor ear heard, nor has entered into the heart of man what God has prepared for those who love him," he's talking about every step in life.