Craig's Journey

A friend in the Peace Corps wrote this:

It's another day in Bangladesh. I still can't believe I'm here. Christmas is coming, Thanksgiving has passed and I almost forgot it was that time of the year until the office texted me today saying I have clearance to come to Dhaka on the 24th, 25th, and 26th. "OK. Cool. But for what?" It actually took me a few seconds to understand why. "Oh yeah...Christmas!"

Don't worry...unlike my site-mate Kathryn...I haven't completely lost it. She's struggling to get through each day and understandably. The current situation has been difficult for a lot of people and volunteers are continuing to leave the country. (Notice I didn't say call it quits, throw in the towel, or give up. That isn't the case at all. A lot of people can't handle this country for one week let alone four months. Heck...one volunteer didn't even get on the plane when we left from San Fransisco and another left after the first two days of training.)

After recalling the reasons I came to Bangladesh and comparing them to my recent way of thinking I've come to realize that my reason for being here evolves into something different everyday. Before I boarded the plane in New York on August 6th, I had a romanticized vision of changing the lives of many and that Bangladeshis would be so happy to have me here. That's the cliche Americans attach to the Peace Corps and it's the same one I used to explain why I joined. I don't blame myself...I blame naivety...that little thing that nags away at our brains when we focus too much on the status quo. I don't know what Peace Corps is.

I probably won't do anything noticeably effective here because this culture isn't too keen on change. It's difficult to explain, difficult to cope with and at times my work here seems useless. Yes, I'm learning a lot about Islam and Bangladeshi culture. I'm teaching people English. I'm making new friendships. But I don't feel productive. There are too many things holding Bangladesh back from real development and I think my two years here are more of an observation than anything else. I'm trying...I'll always try...but I think it will take a long time for me to find an angle...maybe I never will.

It's hard to change a conservative culture and I wonder if the only reason I think things are backwards here is because I'm a Christian man. It's hard to change people who don't want to change and...because I'm so stubborn myself...maybe I'm a hypocrite for trying to get them to see things my way.

But what the hell...it's an awesome adventure.