fear

Do one thing every day that scares you.

This advice from Elanor Roosevelt has always intrigued me. I'm confident if one actually took this advice, there'd constantly be an adventure to write about. Well today, I did two things that scared me - and I'm glad I did.

1. I never learned to drive a stick shift. It's amazing how much my mentality so naturally goes into the "I'm too old to learn something new" mode. It sounds like something a 75-year-old should say, not a 24-year-old. It's a very scary thing for me, and CJ has taken a chance of teaching this old wineskin a new way to hold wine. Today possibly marks the 6-month mark since my last driving lesson. I know where all the gears are, but constantly have to be reminded what I must do with each foot during the shifting process. Today we were at the top of a hill from a small park's parking lot, and I was on the verge of taking the plunge: driving on a real street with other cars. It freaked me out. CJ asked: "Do you feel comfortable shifting from first to second." That's a negative, I replied. I felt uncomfortable with the fact that at the top of this hill, I have to figure out the clutch before I can hit the gas which means I'll end up reversing to the bottom of the hill before moving any amount in the right direction. With traffic constantly coming ... I knew it wasn't a good idea. So we put the Isuzu Rodeo in park and switched seats. I was happy with day's accomplishments previous to the hill situation: a dozen turnabouts in the park's parking lot and some serious attempts to switch between clutch and gas slowly.

2. I applied for a job online, and CJ convinced me to walk into the job site and tell the employer a few things my resume didn't permit me to say. When he told me to do this, I was frustrated. I had applied to the position through a job bank site, and when I talked to the job bank, they said I wasn't qualified enough. So I was angry, and the last thing I wanted to hear was a challenge. But he gave me one nonetheless. And that scary challenge tugged at my core until these feet walked through those doors. I was so nervous, worried I'd be annoying the employer, worried they'd think I was a persistent bother. CJ reminded me of what I told him to do when he was job searching.

This marriage thing is fascinating. How often does God offer us a challenge, and all we want to do is throw a temper tantrum? Those temper tantrums are enticing: they are easy, require no real energy and in the end ... make us numb to the world. Roosevelt was onto something. She understood that certain fears will make us more alive, if we but face them.