Life and Love and Why

As we grow older, our definition of love changes. It constantly changes, grows, and rearranges, just as we do. A healthy sign of any particular language is that it is changing: new words are being added to the dictionary. Even though sometimes, our ideas of love might not be anywhere near the truth...when we are depressed or annoyed...it is a sign we are alive. I suppose it is our hope as a human race that the older we get, the closer we are to the raw truth of what love really is. Lately, I have been amazed at how drasticly my personal concept of love has changed. The idea of "harsh love" has never been more apparent to me than now in the role I serve as a teacher. The cute, silly, young romatic love that Hollywood makes a fortune off of in those Romantic Comedies, never lasts longer than the two hours we sit in plush movie-theatre seats. Real love is immensely different, often a mix of large amounts of pain and anger, mundane-ness, and serious joy.

Amy Carmichael once said, "If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider 'not spiritual work' I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel, thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interesting and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

And this is what almost scares me. For having lived in Honduras now, about 8 or so months, certainly the "honey moon" phase is way over. Life is routine now, and sometimes mundane. But in correlation, that is what love is all about. Love really comes alive, not through a one-week mission trip where I can act like the Pied Piper and get all the little kids to help me carry bricks (although, this is one aspect of love, just not as deep), but through the day-to-day tasks of teaching and yelling, demanding more, and laughing at the silly mistakes I make, and the silly things my kids say to me. (Two of my girls recently told me I have a large toosh, hah) And the same goes in any aspect of life. Living overseas to many people brings forth the idea of constant adventure and fun. But living overseas, in many ways, is the same as living in the states. Sure there are less conveniences, but life finds its routine no matter what soil we land on. And in the routine, we figure out, struggle with, and learn what love really is.

The odd thing is, it is the people I get frustrated with the most, who I love the most. Love endures all things, says the Bible. That means, it aint no fairy tale. Not that I ever really believed it was, I certainly had ideals that could never be a reality. Nonetheless, the year 2006 has brought me one large step closer to the concept of what real love is, even though I yet, have a lot to learn. It has shown me, one inch deeper of what it means to be a Christian. To hold onto God when no one else around me is. I've wrestled more with the concept of being Christ-like than I ever have before, which is a lot, as I've consistently wrestled these ideas a million times in conversations during college. (thanks to all those who contributed) Yet this time, I've wrestled more with myself. If being Christ-like and loving Christ means loving people in a very non-romanticized non-hollywood-like way, if it means realizing just how sinful I am, and just how deep his grace for me is, if it means that walking this path will not get easier, if it means that I have to not always want the ideal "spiritual for which I crave" or rather, the "adventurous", then well, maybe I am one step deeper in my faith, even though the mistakes I've made are stronger and deeper than ever before, and the learning process is ridiculously harder.

I imagine that 2007 can only get worse. But in getting worse, it gets better. For truly, the definition of love can only grow stronger as I wrestle more and live longer.

Sponsorship

8.12.06
I could pretend that I don’t want anything for Christmas. But I won’t do that to you, not this year anyway. Living in another country has two very extreme, opposing effects on me. One is realizing just how blessed I am and how I lack nothing. The other is realizing how much stuff I could have but don’t. The second normally happens when I look at magazines or think about returning to the states, and even when I go to the tiny, little mall Siguatepeque has. Want is all around me and I am certainly not numb to its effects. I get rather excited thinking about going to Target and even Wal-mart, where I can find everything I want in one place. And so many choices. Barnes and Nobles. Oh man. I get really excited thinking about all the food I’m going to eat. My plan is to gain 20 pounds and then just live off the extra fat for a month when I return here.
My children will receive a smile and a hug for me before Christmas vacation. I want to bring them back a few goodies from the states. I realize that during this holiday season every charity in the world is asking for your money. And so are your kids and your parents, and possibly your friends. My kids, in all reality, aren’t that poor compared to others around them. They attend a private institution. Some of them are on scholarship and I know that many of their parents sacrifice more than the children’s attitude portrays. Regardless, if you feel so inclined to help me out, I would certainly appreciate it. It would be great if I could get eight people to sponsor each child. Then I could tell that specific child that you are the person who bought them these gifts and have them send you a thank you card. I think it would not only be a nice Christmas gift for them, but they would realize that other people outside of their knowledge care about them. Possibly it would have a ripple effect later on in life and they would turn around and do the same thing.
If you are interested, let me know. If you are interested in sponsoring them with prayer, please let me know. It would be awesome to have some of you seriously praying for these children. I will tell you their full names as well as more info about them:

Daniela – she is the daughter of the director at the school. With her mom taking care of everything else, she doesn’t often get the time she needs from the parents at home. She takes charge of the other girls, but can be incredibly sweet at the same time. When she pays attention, she gets great grades, but getting her to that point is never consistent. She loves the color pink and playing jacks.
Melissa – she used to be incredibly apathetic towards school. I have seen a huge change in her since. Although she is still very talkative and plays checkers or jacks any chance she gets, she is showing such an effort in actually learning what goes on in school
Elizama – she is the epitome of the latin culture. She is passionate one moment about school work and completely unpassionate the next. She entered the bilingual school last year and still has trouble with english which can easily frustrate her. Yet, she is a gifted student who picks up concepts quickly, especially in math and science. She loves word searches.
Katy– she used to be the ring leader of the girls, but this year she is much quieter and less in control of her peers. Although through all the social issues she’s dealt with, she is very much on top of her homework. When she misses school she is the first to contact me, a luxury I have with no other student. Her mom works as a nurse and goes to school at night, yet she finds time to come meet with me when I ask and surprisingly really cares about her daughter’s progress.
Augusto – also known as the class clown, this guy likes to dance (sometimes in the middle of class) has a fun-loving personality, never liked to read until Narnia came into his life. Loves playing computer games during computer class instead of doing his work.
Abastida– he is one of my favorites. I know those aren’t supposed to exist right? Yet at the same time, he is one I have a lot of difficulty with. I imagine he has some form of ADHD for when he is paying attention, he is amazingly intelligent. However, the majority of the time I have to spend getting his attention and maintaining it. He’s a sensative child who really expresses sorrow when he knows he is making me angry. He gives the best hugs I’ve ever received and loves to play checkers.
Gilberto – he is one of the most gifted students I have. He rarely gets a grade below a 90 and if he does, he always looks at his mistakes and learns from them. He probably has the best English accent and although he started the bilingual school in second grade, (the majority of them started in pre-school) he is the one everyone goes to when they don’t know how to say something in English. His mom is the kinder teacher and very involved in Josué’s life.
Ramirez – he is the most intelligent child in my class. Without studying, he gets a 100 on just about every test we have. He keeps me sane when I get frustrated that the children aren’t paying attention or getting the concept I am trying to teach in every way I know possible. He loves to tell me about what happened in the video game he played the night before. He enjoys playing scrabble and checkers. Hidden

Things to buy:
*A 3rd or 4th grade level book to read, depending on the child
*An activity book (coloring, cross-word puzzle, wordsearch, hidden pictures)
*A box of $1 crayola washable markers
*A box of standard pencils
*A toy car or baseball cap for the boys
*A pair of earrings or any little accessory for the girls

If you are interested but can only buy some of the items, let me know. I will be in North Carolina for a bit when I first arrive on the night of the 16th, and then in New York for Christmas. I return to Honduras on the 2nd of January.